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i had a post written, i really did. but i dont want to instigate. i had a good night untill you got mad at me for this. a huge jump in comfort was made, and now we have to start over. i was happy, i was. dont ruin this, i want your friendship a lot. i DID say that you were being stupid. and i wont say i never did. it was very hard to hold back each and every time you said some snappy bitchy remark to ANYTHING i said. its hard to bite my tounge each time you throw sass at me. cuz im tired of doing this with you. we are way better just talking like we did today. i liked that. dont do this. i changed my password so you would stop hurting yourlsef. if you want to know ANYTHING - ask me. you know ill be open and honest. ::: posted by Eddie at 11:40 PM im sad that im thankful i didnt turn out like them. ::: posted by Eddie at 2:49 AM i feel as if ive been making to many apologies - and that only makes me feel like ive been screwing up everywhere. but then, i see you smile. maybe im doing something right. maybe. that smile though, it leaves me at a loss. i never know what to say, i just smile back and hope you know how i feel inside. ::: posted by Eddie at 12:01 AM dont fuck up, and dont give me a false promise. i beg you. ::: posted by Eddie at 11:05 PM there is always room for JELLO jealousy thought i would have gven the idea a shot. but what i really want to do is .... well.... my pupils shake as they watch the gleam at the end of the reticule. the girl in front quivers against the musky brick wall behind her. her hands grasp her teddy bear tighter towards her stomach, but i cant pull the trigger. my hands shake so stubornly - i know what is right. "take it, take it and protect yourself. i cant live if your not safe." well, whatever, something like that. but i know one thing is for certain, i wont stand for anything bad happaning to you again. its no fun sitting back and watching the ones you care about suffer. shh, silent but deadly. ::: posted by Eddie at 4:47 PM as the gentle swipe of the fingertips glides up the obliques, they make a move to the abdomen, and with every swift movement, they send with it a sensation that empowers the spirit. your hands make me quiver, but you wont notice. i sometimes smile while we kiss, i wonder if youve figured that. i lost the moment, and i lost the time, and i lost one of the good things to say to your face. let me apologize, for i should have just stoped, shot back, and said it right there. end transmission. ::: posted by Eddie at 12:12 AM a wisper - so faint, so elaberate, so innocent. as his breath reached her neck, it made her cringe up with a giggle as he raised to wisper in her ear - sweet nothings mean quite something. i know, you'll ask, "edward, why do you talk so much of the canvas and its colors?" well my good sir/madam, its because this is art - art at its finest. its where they fathom their best work - our souls; our hearts. ::: posted by Eddie at 1:58 PM when the bloodbath ensues, he smiles with that glorious grin - he has won. and he knows he has won when he can valiently raise his weapon to gleam in the sun, to bask the blood in the sky. but when the adreneline fades, what is left? i man realizing what he has done, the lives he took, the pain he has caused. a terrible mess. not one person will feel great for causing such agony, they will always have their regrets. i have mine. on the battle field we forget how to maintain, and we forget to watch our tongues. but its not left there, it continues untill you take action. but the action you take is what will decide. choose wisely. ::: posted by Eddie at 11:43 AM i usually write my venting upon this webpage. but tonight, ill just not do that. its not worth it anymore. ::: posted by Eddie at 10:41 PM when i looked into your eyes as i said goodbye, i couldnt think of the words to say, i was speachless. you left my heart beating back at the station, and it still pounds in my chest. when holding you silent, i had my feelings in verse. everytime i look at you, i smile, i can never hold it back. right now, my chest is exploding. i feel as if we became closer without even realizing it, and im extreamly happy. im sorry once again for my little issues that have made you weary, but i am relentless in this relationship. like i say, im happy here, i want only to persue this more. something like that anyhow, im so distracted by all the thoughts running through my mind. although i have small worries, i feel as if they will be overcome. well, i hope. its a tough bought, but i think we are strong enough. ::: posted by Eddie at 12:07 AM let me apologize, but this time, lets add a fourth 1 - for the way i acted. i COULD have been better, but i wasnt sad or mad. 2 - for this bothering me so much, and i dont want anyhting to bother you inadvertenly. 3 - i need to call you more, i miss ya man 4 - im sorry eddie. you know why ::: posted by Eddie at 12:43 AM you people only comment when it pertains to you, or you pissed about something. sharring and caring is a lot nicer. ::: posted by Eddie at 7:24 PM cut the lights, hit the curtains, fucking pull the plug. this method acting is getting us no place at all, and please, cut your theatrics. let us count, the usual please, three instances. one - please, hang back, and realize how much fucking more ive done. i dont think some people will understand those small efforts that make everything else work homogeniously. so please, do not think you are victorious, i just want to make sure you dont repeat things that happend to all of us. two - keep your distance while still showing you care. dont smother, but do remind her. please, just ease back, im sure you will be fine. three - please, lighten up. its getting kinda relentless without purpose. yes we know, and yes we consider, but yet, we are tired. tired of seieng you hurt yourself with the same idea. in conclusion i want to burn the theater down. let the ashes tell their stories and let them leak to the weak. maybe they will take in our failures and they will learn. learn to live, learn to forget, to forgive. doesnt matter, i dont want see our play anymore. i want sraight fucking answers, and i want straight fucking responses, and i want straight fucking maturity and hospitality. fuck shit damn bastard bitch hell shit damn fuck. whatever. ::: posted by Eddie at 11:39 PM the sillouettes in front of me prop their heads in our direction, stretching their ears to here the new sound. i lift my right hand to the neck, finger to fret and i strum the first note. i hold it, they wait, then we play. what will they do? how will they react? will they preserve their still nature? one leap into the air; i feel suspended for a while, the crowd waits. i land with the E string vibrating from the last strike. i lift my head to tell them my story in the mic. "shhm its a secret, im scared of the future. maybe they will relate, and then rush in with a sweet panic and frenzy. but i guess it doesnt matter. im having fun. ::: posted by Eddie at 1:07 AM i will never forgive these instances. i will never let you get away with what you did ever again. i will never let you treat my people like you have done. i wont let you rape them of their hospitality. i wont let you fuck with anyone anymore. i wont let you feel alone. i wont stop you from doing what you want in life. i wont let you be miserable. i will never stray from your side. i will never let this happen. i wont stand in your way. i wont let you worry. i will never betray you. i wont deny this. i wont. i wont change ::: posted by Eddie at 11:54 PM |
