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i didnt want to move. i didnt want to leave. i didnt want to miss this. but i had to in silence we rest in each others arms, living in comfort yearning to the fingertips; connecting breaths to beats - i can feel it. i want to hold you so close, but push you back so i can see you smile. i want to wrap my arms around you and nuzzle into the curve of your neck. i want to forget everything just to be here in this moment. i want to not have to wait till next time. ::: posted by Eddie at 7:55 PM how is it so easy to feel this comfortable? to feel this right? to feel that close? in this state of mind i just laugh uncontrolably because i feel so great. its nice to smile like this again, and its nice to showcase. here is good, here is happy. ::: posted by Eddie at 11:51 PM tonight was..... tonigth was scary. two girls, now one in the same. i have to shield myself from them salting my wounds. but its no tlike their trying; they are just around, and ive been so happy seeing them. its going to take time. and i apologize to those close to me now. i guess im just impatient to know what will happen in the long run. please dont fret, im here now, and when i see you i will show you there are no worries. i mean, i have my own, but you please keep like you are. god shit, i dont want to be like this. i need to go dancing.... alone. ::: posted by Eddie at 2:49 AM stand on your soapbox and scream it to the world, "IM A PEICE OF SHIT! AND NOBODY LOVES ME!" but the pity wont make you feel better, no, it makes you think about it more. you wonder if they are sincere for real. you wonder if they are telling you the truth. you wonder ift hey are just shitting you so that youll shut up. come off it. why would tha thappen? i would hope that thought occurs anyhow. stop worring, dont fret, and dont let it bother you. you need to take a look around, for we are all here, we are all listening, and we are all your friends. shhh, wisper it into my ear. im here for you. asleep but awake you stare at the ceiling, at notes, at memories; dont look back. look around wisper please; my ear these nothings mean something. take a breath, step back, exhale. i only emphasize to keep it in memory banks. here, my two cents, it will grow with interest. in my ear, wisper im listening ::: posted by Eddie at 9:24 PM lately ive been thinking of excuses of why i cant keep quiet. tonight it was a few reasons. i was excited, and i was nervous. its crazy to think that we have been thinking the same things, but have barely acted upon them. the wind is blowing, lets through the caution into the breaze. my head shifted right when i began to talk, when realy it wanted to push forward. i can only assume by what i felt that you wanted the same, but when i fail to present the idea to its potential, we will have to wait on the answer to taht. ::: posted by Eddie at 10:11 PM i wish i didnt hesitate. ::: posted by Eddie at 1:05 AM when your hands reach for my low bent head, they dont reach to raise my chin; they pull in from the temples, and as my ear reaches your bossom i hear your heart beating. the pace quickens as i get closer, and when we reach full embrace, the world around me turns white. its silent in this blank atmosphere the pen drops down on this new canvas, printing pictures of my hearts desire. the ink drips smoothly upon the surface as it glides to create the imagry my mind conceives. its the birthing place of my ideas, the womb for every conception. who knows? maybe this portrait will show truth. maybe this ink will draw a landscape depicting the exact things i want to see. but will it be right? in world where we love to dream, we tend to overshoot. but when you let go of this embrace, i hope that when it all fades back, the canvas paints this picture, of us here, together. ::: posted by Eddie at 11:39 PM with recent events taking up the typical blogging, i coincide once again with the person i am. i enjoy the time that i have spent with you, and like the brisk autum day, i welcome the wonderful suprises. and even though i may fathom dreams, i will stay here where i smile wholeheartedly; for this feels good. ::: posted by Eddie at 1:27 AM silent wispers speak frequently in my head. the body doesnt move though, it wont listen, its too afraid. our brain teases us with pleasure, but is scared to take the plunge, it refuses to be decimated. if the brain fails, the body loses all control; flutters with spasms - reaction with out thought. we lose control. when you dont have your "cool" you tend to act rediculous. i am so fucking rediculous. ::: posted by Eddie at 9:43 PM and in death, i only come back stronger. you strike me down and all i do is learn from it, and grow. i sometimes have to be miserable to understand, go through so much shit to get back to myself. its been a hell of a journey, and its been one big fucking mess, but i am glad to know my work still goes well. i cast a look over my shoulder; your momento clings around my neck. it comforts me, but it also reminds me of so many things. mainly, i feel triumphant; like my scarf dances in the wind as i stand on my soapbox pitchin out phrases in my slender deep voice. everything is punky brewster right now. lets keep it that way for a whlie. ::: posted by Eddie at 1:30 AM my body was shaking when i talked to you. was i scared? was i mad? what the fuck was going on? who knows? the one thing i do know is tonight, ill be happy we talked, no matter how out of wack my body was. ::: posted by Eddie at 12:20 AM in silence, i smile for once. its been good, and i hope my thoughts arent constructing false illusions again. its been a while though, and even though my eyelids grow heavy, i lay to sleep tonight, holding this silence close. ::: posted by Eddie at 1:00 AM last night i had a dream... the beach was a sweet taste of burnt seana; nice dark sepia tones. there were three, they experienced much that comming night. two boys, friends, and a girl, hurt, confused. i was one of those boys. i grabbed her hand, i told her "lets go!" and we ran for the tide. she laughed; we had a good time. when the sun finally set, we were draped in the sands; staring, smiling. i think we got married, or else, i felt that way. it was just pure bliss. but i guess it was all about being free of everything. running, smiling, growing. i do grow weary, specially when i wake up in a chair, for i have no bed. and i do feel wounded, by mulitple people and things. at the same time i feel uplifted, but sorely dissapionted. happy, yet miserable. excited, yet scared. i love you i hate you. "best friends means i pull the trigger" ::: posted by Eddie at 1:53 PM let me tell you both a story. LeeAnn Hobart she started dating Chad Lowie, and i was pissed, very upset, i was supposed to be there. she was dating someone else now, after all we been through. i held a grudge for a while, but in this story, when i met the guy, he was very friendly, and he treated me like a good friend. after 3 years, he still does. chad still thinks that someday i could tear LeeAnn from him, and i still think that i will never be able to live up to how great Chad is. but with all of that, there is still a mutual respect, for we have never wronged one another for any reason. he has never tried to use me in a manner to make LeeAnn think differently of me, and we have never twisted any stories around to better ourselves. we were pals, at least good enough to keep it good. (we do have a good little friendsihop though.) my point for this story is to relate it to now. to show you that its been different in the same type of ordeal. LeeAnn treated me the same, kept our friendship in there. Chad kept it cool, and even after 3 years have passed, he still keeps it cool. i love you LeeAnn, lets never change ::: posted by Eddie at 8:29 PM i think thumper had it right, ill abide by his law for now. ::: posted by Eddie at 7:51 PM i come from the place where swing is king and old feelings spring. i leave from a place where old feelings shit on me, and my anger wont let me see i wish i was in a place where i was dancing free, and my future was something i could see in this presise moment, i releive stories that ive bitched about before. the girl i know turning to shit, the man i cant stand to hear about. the friends who ditch me once agian. the tagalongs that wont go away. the friends i yearn to have that treat me well. the aquaintences that hang back and wait for my arrival. the people that here me today, will love tomarrow, for tomarrow, is the next exciting issue; the great installment of our latest chapters. im sick of putting up with so much of all of your shit, and im tired of being the ONLY one who tries to fix things. im tired of being nice to all of you who dont deserve it. you are all pissing me off, and one day, ill have the guts to tell you to piss off. i guess we'll see wont we? ::: posted by Eddie at 12:55 PM |
