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day 4 so far, its been really shitty, day four starts at 12:13, aquateen hungerforce in my foreground. it was nice talking to kara, she sees things in the right perspective, the only one considering things openly, and not being caught in the "spell" as she puts. it seems thursday at 5 i will see whitney's hair, im assuming ill like it better longer, but she has been looking so beautiful lately, i dont think i will be able to see her get any hotter. well one because it just edoesnt seem possible (because she looks damn good) and because it hurts to know im not with that gorgeous person (inside and out). (more to be added) ::: posted by Eddie at 12:08 AM day 3 i dreamt about you, woke up feeling lonely. usually my dreams come true, i hope that it will be like this, palling around and holding you close. addition ::: posted by Eddie at 4:16 PM day 2 didnt think it would alreayd start getting frustrating, but it hurts. maybe it will get easier? bah, i think it will be fine as long as i keep my goal set. it feels right to endure this, i know its the right thing to do. ::: posted by Eddie at 9:55 PM one month unless you say otherwise. ::: posted by Eddie at 12:11 AM have you told him how you feel? i could be wrong but it seems like you have a little secret. ::: posted by Eddie at 3:57 PM i look down on myself right now. clouds sweep over every basin, tornados rip through every field, hurricanes to every ocean, knife through my chest. shit. all i want is to tell you that when i did it, i regreted it, and i just wish i had it all back. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF, I TRUELY FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR THAT ONE STUPID FUCKING THING. i apologize. to three people im sorry that it even started, im sorry i broke that, im sorry your betrayed. when i look out into the sun, i only wish that when it set the stars would show me the path, like the old drinking gord, and then when i found the X, you were standing there, hair swaying, dancing, in the wind, and your head would turn slightly, a grin would show, your body turn towards me then, you smack me, i look down, you raise my chin, and you fucking kiss me. you fucking kiss me ::: posted by Eddie at 2:08 AM eddie, your a peice of shit. ::: posted by Eddie at 3:48 PM x/xx/xxxx i started my job at the toy factory, its not bad, assembly line worker; im the guy at the start of the line x/xx/xxxx got a promotion, i now throw the arms on the dolls. well, i guess not a promotion, but its better than the start of the line. x/xx/xxxx ive been shifting down the line quite frequently. im so close to the end, i can finally see what it all is. x/xx/xxxx end of the line today, and ill have to say, the finished product is pretty awesome, some fine work displayed here. its nice to see all this fine work pay off, or rather, come together. x/xx/xxxx i got fired today, it feels pretty shitty, not sure how i will cope now. x/xx/xxxx its been a month, ive been keeping an eye out for new ground, but nothing was as fun as working with those toys. i was pretty set there, think ill try and reason with them. x/xx/xxxx shot down; saw it coming though. i just wish i could have that old job back, it had a nice environment around it. maybe im just to old to be playing with toys? who knows. x/xx/xxxx took a peek at another job, had to give it a try. its pretty much a drag. not as comfortable. just miss the factory. x/xx/xxxx i think ill take the time to settle everything else in my life. i need to get some finances set i suppose. just wish i had the nice time at the factory to help it all out. ::: posted by Eddie at 6:59 PM it seems that i must look forward to failure. the path ahead of me is misted in fog, and whats looming ahead is such an ambiguity. im losing everyone close to me, and im still not moving forward. im postponed by shifted responsibility of my parental figures. i cant fathom why i am who i am, because im so different. but with that, it makes me so far from the future i look forward too. i only pray that in years ahead, ive moved from my idle position, and i get everyone back. everyone. this next year is going to be hell, and i cant wait to be attracted to the flames of this shit. ::: posted by Eddie at 12:58 AM things ive been wondering why they picked topher grace to play the chameleon in spiderman 3 will anything ever be the same ::: posted by Eddie at 3:56 PM im sorry that i completely respect you, love you, care for you, think your beautiful, and fell for you because i loved you as a person. its times like these, when silence is my best friend. you not telling me how you feel, because you rape me of that feeling soon after. me not talking to you about it, because you hate it. me not weeping my heart out, because you tired of it. you not talking to me at all, because i know its what you want right now. i suffer from myself, and my not being capable of letting go of such a find. its impossible to forget the things you yearn for. and when you lose them, its a shitpile of selfishness, pain, and agony. whatever, im not sure. things are so unclear to me right now. to myself. i sit lonely on the steps, to realize that im making myself lonely. im a fucking stupid wreck, and im making it happen to myself. but you have to realize, your not helping either. ::: posted by Eddie at 12:03 AM one week seven days it starts here. ::: posted by Eddie at 5:23 PM the sniper has got me on my knees as i scream my apology and i dont understand why nobody is listening. if everything is to be like this then why cant we have one last kiss but nothing seems to have understanding. and when the world seems to fall apart lets see what time will show ill hang back and let you play your part and i will what to find out what i want to know. hrm... dont like it much ive thrown myself in a wierd predicament. well maybe not so much, but, i tend to think that im stuck between thoughts. well actually, maybe i just cant sort them out.... ok well ya know, i dont know what to think right now, that seems right. lately its been a hell swirling around me. the home grows faint to me, for the heart does not lie in its womb anymore. the girl seems to forget what she told me, leaving me to believe nothing anymore. maybe tahts how it is, im not quite sure. im never sure about things right now. the one thing that perhaps i am sure of, is that im confused, about everything. if i stopped and thought about everyhthing that was going on, i would feel sick and tired. i need to live in the moment as of now, and ... shit, im so scared to make a decision that will kill my only chance..... FUCK, FUCK ME SO FUCKING HARD THAT IT FUCKING RIPS ME IN FUCKING TWO. right, well, that didnt feel all that great, not at all. all i can think about right now is nothing my brain can understand itself. i am fucking confused. ::: posted by Eddie at 10:15 PM uncle ::: posted by Eddie at 2:23 AM |
